Jokes

[MilitantCow]

hardcore selection: DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DONT HAVE A PITCH BLACK SENSE OF HUMOUR!!! These are fecking sick, had trouble writing some of them down!!!

how do you make a clown cry?

Rape his kids.


What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A baby in a trash compactor.


Whats funnier than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?

1 dead baby nailed to 10 trees.


How many babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends how hard you throw them.


Whats more fun than spinning a baby round and round a washing line?

Stopping it with a spade.


CAUTION, worst joke EVER:
why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can cum on its face.

If bonny would get shot for telling a paedo joke, imagine what would happen if she told these!!!
MC x

[The Dog]

Not bad!

[MilitantCow]

haha, why is there even an argument over whether its the hosts or the fans who bring the shows level down more, ey!?

[Alotta Vagina]

As I stepped out the shower my wife said "you've a dick the size of a tic tac" I replied with well if that's the case why does your sisters breath still smell so bad...that soon shut the bitch up!

[Voodoo]

Walked up to a fat girl in a club last night and said "Did it hurt?"

"What," she replied "When I fell down from heaven?"

"No, squeezing into that dress you fucking elephant!"


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BBC News: Cucumbers taken off supermarket shelves

Ann Summers announce sudden record increase in sales

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A kid loses his mum in Tesco's,

The supervisor says, "What's she like?"

The kid says, "Big dicks and Vodka!"

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I really hate people who leave used condoms discarded in the street.

That's why I pick them up and empty the contents into my rape victim's underwear.

[MilitantCow]

In case none of you were checking, the best joke site in the world (sickipedia) has been updated with a shit load of Amy Winehouse jokes. May who-ever's upstairs bless her heart, since no-one should be taken at only 27 years old, but I reckon she would share the jokes if she was here!

Amy Winehouse, RIP; She took more shots in her arm than a Norwegian youth camp.

MC x

[thephraze]

Amy Winehouse will be best remembered for her sense of humour.

The paramedics at the scene found her donor card

[thephraze]

How does Moses make tea ? Hebrews it

My wife wants kids and I don't. So it looks like we're keeping them then.

I started my new job today. My boss handed me a fiver and said, "First things first, I need you to go down to the shops and buy me a glass hammer, a skirting board ladder and a bubble for a spirit level." I laughed and said, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?" "What do you mean?" he sniggered. I said, "That lot is going to cost much more than a fiver."

My granddad has raced pigeons for over sixty years and never won a single race. He's clearly at a big disadvantage not having wings.

I was absolutely disgusted to hear one of the puppeteers from Sesame Street has been accused of paedophilia. The kids on Sesame Street weren't even that good looking.

I said, "I was thinking of taking the wife out for dinner tonight. Do you know anywhere good?" My mate said, "I don't know, have you tried that new restaurant in town?" So I rang them and said, "I was thinking of taking the wife out for dinner tonight. Do you know anywhere good?"

My wife thinks it's cute that our 13 year old daughter still believes in Santa. I think she's just a greedy little c**t.

I love my life. I have a hot wife, a beautiful house, amazing job and im a millionaire. Thankyou, Sims.

I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: 'Yeah, three males and two females.' Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.'