How does Moses make tea ? Hebrews it
My wife wants kids and I don't. So it looks like we're keeping them then.
I started my new job today. My boss handed me a fiver and said, "First things first, I need you to go down to the shops and buy me a glass hammer, a skirting board ladder and a bubble for a spirit level." I laughed and said, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?" "What do you mean?" he sniggered. I said, "That lot is going to cost much more than a fiver."
My granddad has raced pigeons for over sixty years and never won a single race. He's clearly at a big disadvantage not having wings.
I was absolutely disgusted to hear one of the puppeteers from Sesame Street has been accused of paedophilia. The kids on Sesame Street weren't even that good looking.
I said, "I was thinking of taking the wife out for dinner tonight. Do you know anywhere good?" My mate said, "I don't know, have you tried that new restaurant in town?" So I rang them and said, "I was thinking of taking the wife out for dinner tonight. Do you know anywhere good?"
My wife thinks it's cute that our 13 year old daughter still believes in Santa. I think she's just a greedy little c**t.
I love my life. I have a hot wife, a beautiful house, amazing job and im a millionaire. Thankyou, Sims.
I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: 'Yeah, three males and two females.' Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.'